RtB 2: To Hold Another's Life
by Erika
Summary: When QuiGon mysteriously falls ill, ObiWan is left alone to make a decision that no one should ever have to make.
1. The Braiding

Hi to everyone who's reading this! I posted a story here a long time ago but then with then the website was down for so long that I forgot to keep putting my stuff up. I have a whole bunch of stories to post now but I thought I'd continue with the series, since the other story I have here is the first one in it. 

Anyway, if the formatting in this one is screwed up I'll try and fix it next time – it's just that I don't know what I did last time so I can't do the same thing.

I hope you enjoy, the first part is a little slow but I hope you like it anyway. =D

          ****

**_Title_**: To Hold Another's Life

**_Author_**: Erika

**_Series_**: Rebuilding the Bond (#2)

**_Rating_**: PG...but there is ONE swear word so I guess it would be PG13?

**_Summary_**: When Qui-Gon mysteriously falls ill, Obi-Wan is left alone to make a decision that no one should ever have to make.

**_Time Frame_**: Right after JA8. This is a sequel to my first FIC "Something Worth Fighting For" but there's nothing _really_ important that you need to know. I think the most important thing is that Obi and Qui talked about what happened on Melida/Daan and that Obi _borrowed_ Qui's birth certificate.

**_Spoilers_**: For JA5-JA8

**_Category_**: AU, Angst, H/C, non-slash, POV

**_Disclaimers_**: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only. Any characters that are not recognizable as being part of the SW universe belong to me, but you guys probably figured that out, right?

**_Feedback_**: Don't make me beg!!!!! Both positive feedback and _constructive_ criticism is greatly appreciated and will be cherished! (firedrake88@yahoo.com)

**_Archive_**: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, JAFD, The Guardians of Peace, and anyone who has any of my other stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out :-D

**Special Thanks To**: My good friend Rheana, who, despite not liking Star Wars and never having read a Jedi Apprentice book, took the time to read this. And of course I am always grateful to my beta reader, Adi-Ser, thanks for your help! 

Things in 's are telepathic communication through the Master/Padawan bond.

            To Hold Another's Life

            ~ Part One: The Braiding ~

**Qui-Gon:**

            "It's very beautiful, Master." Obi-Wan said softly, glancing at me from where he stood a couple of feet away. "Thank you for bringing me here."

            I smiled as I gazed across the small walkway that my Padawan and I stood in front of. No more than ten feet ahead of us was a waterfall that emptied itself into the depths of a lovely blue-green pond. Surrounding the pond was a fence of small white flowers and to the right of the rocks that the waterfall fell over was a delicate young tree. The soft sound of the water as it rushed over the reddish-brown rocks was very soothing. I had always loved the Macarvic Gardens and was pleased that Obi-Wan could appreciate their beauty.

            "Yes Padawan, it is," I answered gently, "I am glad that you are enjoying yourself."

            "I am. I'm honored that you would bring me here, Master."

            Honored... His words echoed in my mind. Xanatos had not felt 'honored' the only time that I had brought him here...he had been _bored_. "No, Obi-Wan," I said with a heavy sigh, "it is I who am honored by your presence here. Thank you for coming with me."

            I could feel Obi-Wan's surprise flood our newly-forming bond and before he could say anything I continued, "I had to ask Xanatos four times before he agreed to come here with me and even then he only pretended to enjoy himself. I am grateful for your honest enjoyment of something so simple and yet so intricate as nature."

            "I am sorry, Master," Obi-Wan chose his words carefully, "that Xanatos could not appreciate how lucky he was to have someone like you for his Master and friend. I will never make that mistake again," he vowed fiercely.

            A small lump formed in my throat at Obi-Wan's words but I quickly swallowed it away before answering, "Thank you, Obi-Wan. I know that you will never take our bond for granted again...neither will I."

            Obi-Wan didn't answer me and instead a calm silence fell between us as we each enjoyed the comfort of the other's company. I had to admit that my Padawan's presence near me was just as calming, if not more so, than the gardens themselves. How could I ever have tried to keep this boy out of my life?

            "Obi-Wan," I said after a few minutes of silence, "if you would allow me the pleasure and the honor, there is something I would like to do now."

            Obi-Wan turned toward me and I also moved to face him, "Yes, Master, what is it?"

            I smiled and lay my hand on his shoulder, "Let us sit down on the grass by the lake and I will tell you."

            Obi-Wan nodded and at a leisurely pace we crossed the walkway and seated ourselves on the short bright-green grass that grew around the pond. "As I am sure that you know it is customary that when a Master/Padawan team is formed the Master cuts and braids his Padawan's hair," I said, looking warmly at my young student. "When I first took you as my Padawan we were immediately sent on a mission and we had no time than to do more than quickly braid your hair. For that, I am sorry."

            "That's alright, Master, I–"

            I held up my hand and Obi-Wan immediately fell silent. "It was wrong of me to ignore the tradition and if you would allow me, I would like to properly braid your hair now. I know that this is usually done in public but I feel that it would be better if we did it here, in the gardens."

            Obi-Wan smiled tentatively and his eyes lit up with joy, "I would like that very much, Master."

            "Good," I said at length, "I am glad." For a few long moments I stared into the deep waters of the pond, contemplating. Xanatos had laughed when I had reminded him about the braiding tradition and although he had not said it, I knew that he had found it silly. How could I have been so blind to the darkness in him? Why had I refused to listen to Yoda and my own Master's warnings? And more importantly, why had I then seen darkness in Obi-Wan's soul when no such darkness existed? 

            "Why don't you face the pond?" I said distantly, gesturing for Obi-Wan to turn toward the water.

            Obi-Wan quickly stood and knelt in front of me, facing the lake as I had instructed him to. "Master," my Padawan began uncertainly, "if you're not comfortable with this yet, I understand–"

            "No!" I said a bit more sharply then I had intended for Obi-Wan had caught me by surprise. Had he sensed my troubled mood? I needed for him to know that he _was_ my _Padawan_. I wanted him to feel like he belonged with me, and that he belonged with the Jedi. I had shut him out for too long. Even though our conversation earlier today had cleared up some important issues between us, I felt that it wasn't enough. He needed to belong again. I needed to belong again. It had been so long since I had trusted anyone...

            "No," I repeated more softly this time but I kept my tone firm, "Thank you for your understanding, but I want to do this for you now, Padawan."

            Obi-Wan visibly relaxed before me and said, "Thank you, Master."

            I ran my hand through Obi-Wan's shortly cropped hair and then reached down to take the end of my Padawan's braid between my fingers. Carefully I slid off the bead that held the three strands of hair together and gave it to Obi-Wan to hold. "If you will allow me," I began softly as my fingers deftly started unwinding the small braid, "I would like to tie your braid with the bead that I wore when I was a Padawan. It is old and faded but–"

            "Master," Obi-Wan interrupted me, "I would be honored," he said simply.

            I smiled and continued my gentle work until the braid lay in its three separate pieces across Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Hold still," I instructed before I began to tightly re-braid the strands together. "A Padawan's braid not only represents his devotion to the Order but his dedication to his Master and to the Jedi cause and also," I said softly, "his Master's dedication to him. Each strand of hair represents something very important. The first strand represents the Force and the Order, for without these the Jedi would not exist; the second strand represents the Padawan himself who strives to learn the Force so that he may better serve the galaxy; and the last strand represents the Master who swears to protect and guide his Padawan until he is knighted."

            I could feel Obi-Wan's joy reflected in our bond and I sent my own joy back to him, wanting him to know that this was important to me as well. "The braid itself," I continued, "shows how they are all are bound together on a journey of learning and light. It is merely a symbol though. What is important is that there is light in the souls of the Master and Padawan..." I let my voice trail off uncertainly and my hands faltered in their braiding. 

            I could sense a blackness looming over me...a deep foreboding of something to come. I tried to shake the feeling but the Force hummed in protest and my head exploded into pain. As a Jedi is taught to do, I accepted the pain into my system instead of trying to fight it and slowly it faded.

            "Master?" Obi-Wan asked, sensing my distress.

            "I'm fine, Padawan," I assured him softly as the cloud in my mind slowly receded. "I'm sorry. Where...where was I?"

            "You were saying that the important thing is that there is light in the souls of the Master and Padawan," Obi-Wan supplied helpfully, but I could feel his worry for me.

            "Thank you, Padawan," I said. "As I was saying, what is important is that there is light in the souls of the Master and Padawan and that their dedication to the Order, to the Force, and to each other is very strong. We will have to endure many hardships, Obi-Wan, and sometimes I will not be with you. During those times it is important to remember that the braid represents our bond and that even if the braid is broken, or I am not at your side, I am always in your heart." 

            I finished weaving the last strands of hair together and reached into my pocket to retrieve the small bead I had worn on my own braid, so many years ago. Carefully I slid the bead onto the end of Obi-Wan's braid and made sure it was secure, then I gently tucked it behind the boy's ear. 

            There now, I said, reaching out across our bond with my voice, all done.

            "Master?" Obi-Wan craned his neck back to look at me, the surprise evident on his face.

            I smiled at him and placed my hands on his shoulders, urging him to look back at the pond before his neck got sore. They never taught you about this in the Temple, Padawan?

            "No, Master."

            Although it is not usually the case, sometimes it is possible for a Master and Padawan to speak through their bond. The two have to be physically close to each other, and there has to be a strong bond, or the potential for a strong bond, between them. All you have to do is find your center and focus on sending your thoughts to me.

            Obi-Wan concentrated for a few moments before his _voice_ reached me, Like this, Master?

            I let my approval flow through our bond, Yes, Obi-Wan, just like that.

            M-Master? Obi-Wan started, sounding very hesitant and unsure of himself, c-can I ask you something?

            For Obi-Wan to sound so tentative I knew that the question involved my former apprentice. Honestly, I didn't want to think about Xanatos right now but I knew that to deny Obi-Wan the knowledge he sought would alienate him. My Padawan deserved to know of the one who had come before him. I would not lock him out of my heart again, even if his questions forced me to relive painful memories. Of course, Obi-Wan, you may ask me whatever you wish, I answered, my _voice_ steady, unlike my heart.

            Did you have a strong enough...bond with Xanatos to speak to him through it?

            I swallowed and closed my eyes. My bond with Xanatos have been very strong before he turned to the darkside, and _yes_ it had been strong enough to communicate through even though we rarely did. Xanatos had always been a private person and he did not appreciate people 'fooling around' inside his mind. We only used the bond in cases of extreme emergency during a mission. 

            Force, why hadn't I seen he would turn? I should have known by all the little things. He had never wanted to go to the gardens with me. Not just the Macarvic gardens, but even the gardens in the Temple. He had never truly appreciated the Padawan braid and what it represented. He had never wanted to use our bond to speak or exchange feelings and emotions. How could I have been so damned _blind_?

            I sighed and forced myself to drop those thoughts. Obi-Wan was waiting for an answer and I could feel his uncertainty and regret increasing rapidly through our bond. Silently I composed myself and prepared to answer, Yes, Padawan, our bond was strong enough to communicate through but...Xanatos didn't wish it and therefore we rarely used it.

            My Padawan's uncertainly died down a little and confusion filtered through to me instead. He...he didn't _want_ to? Why not? the question had been impulsive and immediately Obi-Wan regretted asking. I'm sorry...Master, he started to apologize but I quickly cut him off.

            No, Obi-Wan, it's okay. It's only natural for you to be curious. Of course it was only natural for him to be curious about what he didn't understand. And how could he understand the darkness in Xanatos when he was made of pure light? Why indeed? It was a very good question. Why hadn't Xanatos wanted to use the bond to speak? I don't know, I spoke honestly.

            I like using the bond, Obi-Wan confided, sounding endearingly shy.

            I smiled, pushing away my troubled thoughts, So do I, Padawan, so do I.

            We stayed in the gardens for almost another hour without speaking as we simply enjoyed the beauty of our surroundings and each other's company. For the most part, I was able to keep myself from thinking of Xanatos and from comparing him to Obi-Wan. However, sometimes he resurfaced in my mind and disturbed the peacefulness that had fallen between my companion and me. Would Xanatos continue to cause problems for us even though he no longer lived?

            I knew that Obi-Wan sensed my troubled thoughts and for his sake, as well as my own, I mostly avoided them. Mostly. No matter how hard I tried though, Xanatos still harbored a corner of my mind as if he was intent on ruining this for Obi-Wan and me. Finally, I managed to simply take pleasure in the beauty around me by meditating for a few minutes and finding my center. I enjoyed the rest of the evening sitting silently by my apprentice.

            Finally, when the sun began to set, I regretfully told Obi-Wan that we would have to return since it _was_ a two hour flight back to the Temple. 

            Can we come back here, Master? Obi-Wan asked, still delighted by this new aspect of our bond. 

            As many times as you like, Obi-Wan, I assured him as we left the gardens and headed toward our transport. 

            As we boarded the ship I again felt the Force buzz around me in warning. When I reached out to find my center I felt the same dark cloud hanging over my head and this time I felt the urgency in its message. I felt tired and disconnected from myself...as if my link to the Force was weakening. Something was going to happen. I couldn't tell what, for precognition had never been one of my talents, but I knew that it involved my Padawan and me in some way. In my mind I could see Obi-Wan – standing alone – faced with some terrible decision and having no one to turn to...

            "Master, are you well?" Obi-Wan's urgent voice broke through my trance-like state and brought me back to reality. I looked around and found that we had stopped walking and that Obi-Wan was staring at me extremely concerned.

            "I am fine, Obi-Wan," I said. After everything that had happened the boy deserved at least _one_ night of good sleep without having to worry about what the next day would bring. "Everything's fine," I said, draping an arm over his shoulders and leading him into the small transport we had rented to bring us to the gardens, "Let's go home," _before the weight of decision hangs on your shoulders..._ was my unspoken thought.

**Obi-Wan:**

            "Master!" I called out desperately into the darkness that surrounded me, "Master, where are you?" 

            I shivered involuntarily and tried to control the surge of fear that rose up deep within me. Where was I? It was so dark...I could see nothing. I reached out with the Force but couldn't feel anything...at all. There was life, no Temple, no universe... It was as if I was nowhere. 

            I reached out through the Master/Padawan bond but I couldn't find Qui-Gon, he was just gone. Everything was gone. Master? I called out into the emptiness of our bond but received only a wave of coldness in return. Please...Master, where are you? 

            "Is there anyone else here?" I yelled, now unable to control the small tremors that began to wrack my body. Why was I alone? I couldn't find anyone...

            For no real reason I began to run, hoping that I could escape this darkness, but nothing around me changed. It was too dark to see anything and it didn't seem like I was going anywhere even though my legs were moving. 

            Master, please. I reached for him like a frightened child but still there was no answer.

            I couldn't contain my shout of surprise as the unseen ground caved in underneath me and without any warning I found myself falling through the never-ending darkness. Master! I yelled one last time through our bond before everything became a haze of confusion and fear as I tumbled through the air. 

            I flayed my arms wildly as I reached out and tried to center myself on the Force, but now it was as if the Force itself had vanished. I was alone. Totally and completely alone. "No!!!!" I screamed suddenly and heard my shout echo off the walls of nothingness as I continued to fall down...

            I sat up with a start. My whole body was shaking and I was breathing erratically. I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and reached out toward the Force, almost afraid that I wouldn't find it. It was there, as if it had never been gone, and I realized with a start that I was in my bed. I ran a hand through my hair, which I found soaked through with sweat and matted down to my head. 

            I let out a long sigh and fell back onto the bed. It had been a dream. I was home, in our quarters. In a rush, yesterday's events all came back to me. Qui-Gon had gone to speak with the Council and when he returned we had spoken about my decision to stay on Melida/Daan and his past with Xanatos. When we had finished Qui-Gon had shown me our new quarters and then we had gone to the Macarvic Gardens. Once there he had honored me by braiding my hair. After that we had stayed in silence until the hour became late and we returned home.

            I distinctly remembered getting on the transport, but I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remembered was the dream... A cold shudder ran through me. The dream had been so terrifyingly real and I had been completely alone. Tentatively I reached out through my bond with Qui-Gon and let out a relieved sigh when I felt his mind, peacefully resting. 

            Suddenly I felt absolutely childish and stupid. It had only been a dream, of _course_ the bond and the Force hadn't disappeared. I wasn't alone. I was home, with my Master, where I belonged. "Just go back to sleep, Obi-Wan," I muttered to myself and turned over to bury my face in the pillow. 

            It didn't take long for sleep to come to me and although I had no dreams, it was a restless worried sleep, almost as if I was anxious about something going wrong...

            When I woke up the next morning I was surprised to realize that it was nearly ten. Usually I was up by six thirty and even if I slept in I knew that Qui-Gon would probably come to wake me at eight – at the latest. Why had he let me sleep in?

            I sighed. He had probably sensed my restless sleep and ridiculous dream and then felt me touch his mind and decided I needed the extra sleep. 'Yeah,' I thought, 'he probably realized I needed the extra sleep so that I would stop acting like a four year old having nightmares in the middle of the night.'

            I slowly got out of bed and made my way to the 'fresher in the adjacent room. After taking a relaxing shower I quickly got dressed and left my room to see where Qui-Gon was. After checking in the living room and kitchen I looked around to see if he had left me some sort of message but could find none.

            Master? I asked reaching out along our bond. At first when I received no answer I assumed that he was merely... 'out of range' but then I realized that his awareness seemed different. I touched his mind again and drew back abruptly when all I felt was coldness. It was like he was asleep...but it wasn't a calm or usual sleep it was... With a frantic start I realized my Master was unconscious.

            Sprinting back through the living I ran into Qui-Gon's room and hastily looked around. His bed was empty but the covers were tangled up together at the foot of the bed and the pillow was on the floor. 

            With my heart pounding in my chest and an uncontrollable fear dwelling inside me I made my way to the 'fresher that was adjacent to Qui-Gon's room. I was walking so quickly that when my foot snagged on something I was sent staggering forward toward the cold white tiles of the floor. Instinctively I slid my hands up against the wall and caught hold of a small hand rail which I used to pull myself to my feet just before I would have hit the ground.

            A dawning horror flamed in my mind as I looked down at the floor to see what I had tripped over. My heart leapt up into my throat and for a moment I forgot how to breathe when my eyes fell upon the horrifying form of my Master's limp body splayed across the floor. 

            "Master!" I cried out. My shrill call wrung in my ears and bounced off the walls to echo in my brain again and again as I dropped to my knees by my Master's completely immobile form. 

TBC...


	2. Comfort and Despair

Okay, I don't think many of you are actually reading this but here's the next part…=D

~ Part Two: Comfort and Despair ~

**Obi-Wan:**

            Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep…

The constant beeping of the EKG monitor both reassured me and gave me cause to despair. On one hand, it was comforting to know that even though my Master was cold and seemingly lifeless his heart was still strong and beating steadily. On the other hand, it only served to remind me that I was now sitting in the Healers' Ward by an unconscious Qui-Gon who had mysteriously collapsed some time this morning.

I sighed, frustrated. The healers were all but ignoring me. I had no idea what was wrong with Qui-Gon and at the rate things were going, I'd be lucky if I ever found out. All I knew was that it was serious. It had to be serious or else why were the healers so busy running back and forth and performing so many tests? If it were something minor – some rare form of the Melorian flu – wouldn't they have figured it out by now?

I reached out and took Qui-Gon's large hand in my own small one. I didn't know if he could hear or sense what was going on, but if he could I wanted him to know that I was here with him and that I wouldn't leave. I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone.

Critically I examined Qui-Gon's form. Except for the fact that the healers had him hooked up to all sorts of machines, he looked almost normal. His face was more pale than usual, but other than that it didn't seem like there was anything wrong with him.

A wave of guilt suddenly flowed through me. If I hadn't stayed behind on Melida/Daan then our bond would be stronger than it was now and I might have sensed him collapse. Instead I had just slept through it. What if he had called out to me and I hadn't heard him? Perhaps if I had gotten him here earlier…

"Obi-Wan?" A soft voice spoke from behind me, interrupting my frantic thoughts.

I released the large hand from my grasp and turned around in my chair to see who had called my name. "Jewel," I said, surprised to see an old friend of mine standing in the doorway. Jewel was seventeen and had been training as a healer for the last four years – ever since she realized that she wouldn't be taken as a Padawan but wanted to remain at the Temple anyway. Although most older initiates had always ignored me, Jewel had often taken time away from her own lessons to help me when I was having trouble or listen to me when I needed someone to talk to.

"How are you, Obi-Wan?" She asked softly, and from the tone of her voice I could tell she had something to tell me about Qui-Gon but that she wasn't sure how to phrase it.

"I'm okay, I guess. I'm not the one who's unconscious though. What do you know about Qui-Gon's condition?"

Jewel sighed. She was fighting an inner battle – trying to decide whether to tell me and what to tell me if she did. "Please, Jewel. He's my Master, I need to know what's wrong with him," I urged her gently.

Jewel looked around, apparently making sure that no healers were heading towards the room, before approaching me and sitting down in the chair next to mine. "We don't know much about your Master's condition yet. We have run several tests but everything has turned out normal. According to what we know so far there is _no_ reason your Master should be unconscious."

How could that be possible? If nothing was wrong with him that why wasn't he awake? "Jewel," I grated, "how can nothing be wrong with him? People don't just collapse because of nothing. Maybe you missed something on one of your tests or–"

"That's what we thought also so we redid all of the tests, that's why so many healers have been in here, but they still came back normal. Nothing is physically wrong with your Master."

"Yeah," I exclaimed before thinking, "except for the fact that he's unconscious."

Jewel didn't answer and I immediately let my breath out in a long sigh.

"Are you sure you're alright, Obi-Wan?" she asked, her voice betraying how concerned she truly was.

I shook my head, "I just want to know what's wrong with him. At least if I knew what was wrong then I'd know–" my voice faltered but I forced myself to continue, "at least I'd know if he's going to make it or not."

"Don't give up hope, Obi-Wan," she said softly, "we _will_ find out what's wrong with him, I promise you that. It's much too early to be talking of whether or not he's going to make it. His condition is stable and shows no signs that's it's going to deteriorate. You have to believe that he's going to be alright."

I nodded and squeezed Qui-Gon's hand. I knew she was right, "Thank you, Jewel."

"I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan, I really am," my friend said softly. "If there's anything I can do… Or if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me."

I forced a small, expressionless smile to appear on my face, "Thank you, Jewel, but right now I just want to be alone with my Master," I said.

Jewel nodded, "I understand." Having said that my friend stood and slowly left the room. 

Surrounding Qui-Gon's hand in both of mine I drew his arm up until our intertwined fingers were resting just above my heart. Jewel's news didn't make me feel any better, in fact it only served to verify what I already knew – something was seriously wrong with my Master. If it wasn't something grave they _would_ know what was wrong by now.

"Master," I said softly, "I don't know if you can hear me but…I need you to come back to me. I don't know if I could bear to lose you too. Not after Cerasi–" I faltered suddenly. I felt so childish! I was already acting as if Qui-Gon was going to die and he _wasn't_. He was going to make it through this. He had to.

"Obi-Wan," I recognized Master Healer Alida's voice from behind me.

I clutched Qui-Gon's hand tightly, using that comfort to give me strength for whatever she was going to tell me. "Yes, Master Alida?" I answered without turning around. I had to stay calm. I couldn't let my emotions show or the healers would send me away with instructions to mediate and find my center. I _wouldn't_ leave my Master. I belonged at his side, no matter what anyone said.

"You were the last person to see Master Jinn before he collapsed, were you not?"

"Yes, I was," was my weary reply. Her voice was cold and distant, so dissimilar from Jewel's gentle understanding.

"Did he seem different to you? Weak, perhaps?"

Again I strengthened my hold on Qui-Gon's cold hand, holding on it as if I could somehow use it to anchor him to me. "No, he seemed fine," I answered without thinking. I just wanted to be left alone with Qui-Gon until they knew exactly what was wrong and how to treat it. They had to be able to treat it…my Master couldn't _die_. He would be alright.

"Are you sure, Obi-Wan? I need you to think carefully."

I closed my eyes and reviewed what I remembered of yesterday. Halfway through the braiding Qui-Gon had stopped and when I touched our bond I had sensed his distress. Then later, just as we were boarding the transport, it had happened again. "Well," I said slowly, "there were a couple of times when he seemed distressed but when I asked him he said that he was fine."

"Distressed how?" the healer pressed mercilessly. If she couldn't tell me anything about Qui-Gon's condition, why couldn't she just leave?

"Obi-Wan," Master Healer Alida's voice softened slightly, "I know this is hard for you, and I know that you don't want to talk with me, but anything you remember, _anything_, might help us determine the cause of Master Jinn's collapse _and_ find a cure. What you remember is important, even if you don't think it is."

I sighed. I knew she was right. I had to stop acting like a child and behave like a Jedi. Closing my eyes and breathing steadily I reached out for the Force and calmed myself enough to think clearly and answer the healer.

"His thoughts were troubled," I began slowly; "I think…I think he was thinking about Xanatos but I'm not sure."

A long pause followed my statement before the healer _finally_ answered, "Obi-Wan," she began slowly, "what did Jewel tell you?"

I sighed softly, "She said that there is nothing physically wrong with him and that you don't know why he collapsed."

Another painful stretch of silent seconds passed and when she spoke again I was startled to hear that she was standing directly behind me. "Obi-Wan, Jewel is right, there _is_ nothing physically wrong with him, however we think we know why he collapsed."

My ears perked up, "Why?" I asked, desperately trying to read the healer's emotions. I needed to know if he was going to be alright.

"One of the healers who came in here a little while ago is a Soul Healer who tried to connect to Master Jinn through the Force and found that his connection to his body is extremely weak."

I swallowed, "What does that mean?"

"Well," the healer began expansively, "it means that your Master is only halfway connected to his body…and half way one with the Force. Think of it this way; your Master is waging an inner battle between life and death…and so far, death is winning and his spirit is slowly being pulled away from his body."

I blinked back my rapidly forming tears and desperately released some of my swirling emotions into the Force. "He's dying?"

The silence that followed my question was answer enough and soon Master Alida confirmed my greatest fear, "Yes, Obi-Wan, he is. The more time he spends in this state between life and death, the weaker his attachment to the physical realm becomes and the less likely it is that he'll recover."

My hands began to shake and my grip on my Master's hand was painfully tight. This couldn't be happening! "How did this happen?"

"We have a couple different theories but there is no way to prove any of them without speaking with Master Jinn himself. The first theory is that someone extremely strong in the Force – most likely one who has already died – tried to kill your Master. The second is if your Master, overcome by grief and remorse…tried to kill himself by expelling his Force signature outward."

Commit suicide? Qui-Gon? My strong, noble, Master? Impossible! "No!" I exclaimed almost violently, "Qui-Gon would _not_ try and kill himself! He would never take the easy way out!"

"Obi-Wan," she said softly, "calm down. No one believes that about your Master either. "A theory has been brought up that perhaps Qui-Gon inflicted this condition upon himself accidentally."

I closed my eyes and forced myself to remain calm. How could someone _accidentally_ almost kill himself? I wished she would just tell me at one time instead of stopping to see how I reacted. "How would he do that?"

"What seems most likely is that in the process of contemplating an extremely painful memory your Master tried to…lose himself in the Force and accidentally inflicted this condition upon himself by trying to get away from all the pain he was feeling."

Xanatos. The name raced through my thoughts like a bolt of lightning. Oh, no. This was all my fault. I had questioned Qui-Gon about Xanatos and no doubt caused his painful memories to resurface. Qui-Gon was lying here, unconscious and close to death, because of _me_. What kind of Padawan was I? First I betrayed him on Melida/Daan and then I forced him to remember things he would rather forget and caused him to fall into a coma-like state. What was wrong with me?

"Obi-Wan? You need to remain calm. I know this is hard for you, but losing yourself in your grief will not help anyone. Master Jinn needs you to be strong for him. Right now _he's_ the only thing keeping him alive. If he should stop fighting this he _will_ die. I have already called in more Soul Healers and Master Yoda is also on his way. They will be in here to examine him soon." I felt a comforting hand rest of my shoulder, "Talk to him, Obi-Wan, tell him that he's not alone and tell him to keep fighting."

For a few long, silent minutes the hand remained on my shoulder as the healer silently comforted me and tried to assure me that everything would work out. No more words passed between us and there was just a small squeeze of my shoulder before she silently left me in a wake of denial and sadness.

As soon as she left, I crumbled. No! It couldn't be! My Master _couldn't_ be…_dying_. We had just started over...he had just retaken me as his Padawan and told me that he would be more open with me. We had apologized to each other and agreed to trust each other enough to give our Master/Padawan bond another chance… He couldn't die now! There was so much left for us to do…so much left for us to learn about each other… 

I shook my head and blinked back the rapidly forming tears, forcing myself to look calm on the outside. I couldn't let myself lose control…but it was so hard. Qui-Gon, _my_ _Master_, was dying. It wasn't supposed to be happening like this… I was supposed to teach Qui-Gon how to trust again, I was supposed to show him that his new-found faith in me wasn't misplaced…I was... _We_ were supposed to do so many things together… 

I accepted that I could lose him on a mission but like this…? I refused to accept that I would lose him because of an accident… I wouldn't lose him because I had been stupid enough to ask about his former Padawan and force him to remember the betrayal.

Still holding his hand to my chest I began to slowly rock back and forth in my chair. "M-Master," my voice was thick and unsteady, but I didn't care, "please don't leave me. Please keep fighting this. You're strong, and I know you can hold on until they find a way to cure you. Please don't give up… I'm sorry…so sorry. I never meant to cause you to relive this pain. I won't mention…him…again, I promise, just come back to me. I can't…can't lose you too, not after Cerasi–"

My words ground to an abrupt halt and suddenly I found myself crying over Qui-Gon's unmoving form. If Qui-Gon died it would be my fault. I would never be able to live with that knowledge…with that guilt. He couldn't die! I choked down a ragged sob that threatened to escape from me as my whole body began to shake slightly. 

If he died then I would be left alone. He was the only one who believed in me… They would force me to leave the Order… I would never become a Jedi and on top of all that, I would go through my life knowing that my honorable Master had died because of me. Qui-Gon couldn't die! He couldn't die…he couldn't die! I couldn't lose him too…

Panic rose up in me and threatened to completely overwhelm me as tear upon tear slid from beneath my closed eyelids to wet my Master's stilled form. I couldn't think straight. I knew I was behaving childishly but I couldn't stop myself. The fear and the grief were too great for me. The same words continued to replay over and over again in my mind as my body shook with my silent tremors.

TBC… 


	3. Most Difficult Decision

Okay, hi! I just thought I'd explain that this story is the second part in a seven story series (so far). It's only five parts long so after this there are only two parts left. The next three stories in the series are pretty short and lead up to the sixth story which is 15 parts long. So, I'll be posting those stories here along with my other, stand alone stories. I'll probably start posting the stand-alone stories soon, so if you're reading this please look out for them. =D Thanks!

~ Part Three: Most Difficult Decision ~

**Obi-Wan:**

_ Qui-Gon can't die!_ was the one coherent thought that wracked my brain, over and over again until I thought I would die my despair was so great. However, through the darkness of my grief and denial I heard my Master's calm reassuring words come to me. 

_You are a Jedi. You will focus. You will reach your calm center. Do not tamp down the fear. Do not let it grip you. If you let it move through you, it will leave you. Breathe… Cast away your doubt. Let the Force flow through you. _ His voice was so gentle and I could hear it so clearly. Almost as if he was awake and helping me calm my panic.

I took a deep breath and reached out to the Force – felt it flow around and through me until finally I was able to release my emotions completely into it. For a few moments – perhaps even minutes – I basked in the warmth of its certainly. I let its light assure me that everything would happen as it was intended to happen. With a now steady hand I wiped away the last of my tears and opened my eyes.

The fear was still there but I would not let it control me. I would accept it. I couldn't let myself lose control again; I had to help Qui-Gon. He needed me. "You are very wise, Master," I spoke softly, my voice steady although extremely quiet, "even now you continue to teach me things. I am honored to be your Padawan and I would be honored to continue this journey together. Please continue to fight. I am here, I won't leave you. Please come back to me."

I closed my eyes once again and this time I reached out through our bond. It was strange to feel only a sense of coldness when before I had always been able to touch my Master's mind. 

Reaching out into him as far as I dared I tried to break through the cold cloud that hung about him. Master? I sent to him gently, can you hear me, Master?

Qui-Gon didn't answer me, not in words anyway, but I felt a warm pulse in the darkness…a tendril of the Force reaching out to me. With a small smile on my lips I caught the pulse and prepared to send it back to my Master, but then it was gone. 

Master?

This time there was no answer, just a shiver in the cold cloud, but I knew that Qui-Gon could hear me and that knowledge gave me reason to hope. Please fight, Master, I found myself pleading through our bond, just hold on until the healers can help you. I am here with you. I will not leave you. Just hold on for me, Master. Just hold on.

Sending Qui-Gon one last wave of warmth and light I slowly withdrew from his mind. Instantly I became aware of the others in the room. I could sense Master Yoda and Master Alida. There were others as well – most likely Soul Healers – but I did not know them by name.

Slowly I opened my eyes and regretfully released Qui-Gon's hand. Rising to my feet I turned around to face Master Yoda and gave him a small respectful bow. 

"Obi-Wan," Yoda greeted me in his gravelly voice, "Reach Qui-Gon, did you not?"

I nodded slightly. "I can't really feel him, but when I tried to speak to him through our bond he sent me a wave of warmth. He did not speak to me, but I know he heard me."

"Grave his condition is, have much time we do not," his voice was gentle and regretful. "Unfortunate it is, that you should experience such a thing when weak your bond still is."

I did not respond and only nodded my head to show I had heard him.

"Reach him through the Force, I will," the diminutive Master said, slowly walking until we has standing beside the chairs by Qui-Gon's bed.

Complete silence filled the room as Yoda closed his eyes and we felt him reach out with the Force. I sensed everyone else watching Yoda but my eyes were riveted on my Master, as if he would somehow wake up and ask why he was here. 

As the seconds ticked on into minutes everyone realized something was wrong and I began to fear that Qui-Gon was losing his battle.

"Reach him, I could not," Yoda said with a sigh, "too weakly is he linked to his body." The small Master turned and looked up at me, "Reach him you still can, help him find his way you must for lost he is." 

Yoda fell silent and then, much to my surprise and disappointment, left the room without saying a word more. The two Soul Healers followed him out.

I opened my mouth to protest but Master Healer Alida's hand on my shoulder stopped me, "Master Yoda is going to speak with the Soul Healers and tell them how you can save your Master. They will return shortly, do not worry."

My mind came to a halt. Both her and Yoda had now mentioned that _I_ could save my Master. "Master Alida," I started, confused, "how is it that I can save Qui-Gon?"

She smiled, "Master Yoda told us that he doesn't know exactly why Master Jinn collapsed but that, as we suspected, he somehow lost part of his connection to his body when he tried to lose himself, and his pain, in the Force. Since then Qui-Gon has been fighting to come back, but he is lost, so to speak, in the enormity of the Force. He needs someone to guide him back to his body. Using your bond you can do that and right now Yoda is explaining to the Soul Healers how they will guide you through the process."

I nodded, a flame of hope suddenly burning to life within me. Maybe I could save my Master! It did not matter that Yoda was not a healer. He was the wisest Jedi that lived and I could do nothing but trust his judgment in this and all matters. 

I smiled with joy for the first time since coming to the Healers' Ward this morning, suddenly confident that Qui-Gon _would_ make it. I would do whatever it took to get him back. "Thank you," I said softly as I fell back into my chair and once more clasped Qui-Gon's hand in both of mine.

Again I reached out to him through our bond and slowly entered his mind, Master, I said joyously, they're going to show me how to help you, please hang on for me.

A ripple of warmth reached me through our bond, much smaller than the last time but it was enough for me. I had confidence I could bring my Master back. I _would_ prove myself worthy of him.

"Obi-Wan," a voice startled me out of my thoughts and I quickly withdrew back into my own mind and turned around to face the two Soul Healers.

"Hello," I said softly.

The Soul Healers – a man and a woman – smiled at me in return. "Obi-Wan," the man spoke again, "my name is Neall and this is Della. Yoda has explained to us how we are to lead you through bringing your Master back, but there is something we need for you to do first."

I nodded, "Yes, what is it?"

The healers looked at each other and then back at me, "Even though Qui-Gon's spirit is slipping further into the Force even as we speak, we feel that it is necessary that you are rested when we attempt this. You are tired now, it is clearly evident on your face, and if we went through with this now there would be a good chance that you would find yourself in the same predicament as your Master."

"No," I said, shaking my head, "I am ready now. If we wait too long then Qui-Gon might be too far gone."

"And if we attempt this now, you'll _both_ become one with the Force. Go to your quarters, Obi-Wan, and rest for a couples hours. Once you have slept you will feel more energized and you can come back here."

"I told Qui-Gon that I wouldn't leave him," I protested, "he's my Master, I can't go home now."

"Think about it this way," Della said, speaking for the first time, "would Qui-Gon rather that you sentence yourself to an early death or that you return to your quarters, rest, and then come back and help him find his way home?"

I sighed. They were right. "You'll stay with him? And contact me if anything changes?"

They nodded instantly, "Of course we will, now go on home."

I nodded, looked at my Master's form for a few moments, and then turned and left the room without looking back.

I sat on my bed for almost five minutes, just staring at the intertwined fingers of my hands. This place just felt so empty without Qui-Gon that I found it difficult to let myself sleep. It felt so wrong to be here without him. My determination doubled and tripled in the space of a second – I _had_ to save him, there simply was no other option.

I looked around my room. Force, had it only been this morning that I had found Qui-Gon unconscious? It seemed like an eternity ago. With a long sigh I let myself fall back on my bed and cleared my mind. I was surprised as to how tired I actually was, even though all I had done was sit at my Master's bedside, and sleep claimed me quickly.

As soon as I awoke I practically jumped up out of my bed and all but ran back to the Healers' Ward, anxious to have Qui-Gon back with me. I knew something was wrong. Even before I had fully entered the room to catch sight of Master Yoda's drooped ears and the sadness on all of the healers' faces, I could feel trouble in the air.

"What is it? What happened?" I asked anxiously, trying to push past the wall of healers only to be held back. "He isn't–" 

"Only a little weaker than when you left him Qui-Gon is. Worry about him we do not," Yoda said, stomping his gimmer stick lightly on the floor as an indication for me to kneel.

Without hesitation I approached Yoda and dropped to my knees before him. In this position we were of the same height. "Obi-Wan, bad news of your family I have. Regret to inform you I do that dying your father is."

My father was dying? I was so shocked that for what must have been at least a minute I just stared at Yoda, unable to form words. "Wh-what…happened?"

"Know the details I do not, only know that need a blood transfusion he does or survive the day he will not."

Dying? How could this be? I had exchanged mail with my parents just a month ago and he had been completely healthy. "A blood transfusion?" I echoed distantly, a sick fear beginning to grow in my heart.

"Brought him to Couruscant your family has so that see expert doctors he may."

"My father's _here_?"

"In a hospital nearby he is according to your brother."

My eyes widened at this. "You spoke to Owen?"

"Here at the Temple he is."

I had thought that nothing could shock me more than the news that my father was dying – I was wrong. "Owen is here at the Temple?"

"Said that I did." Yoda said, his voice growing subtly gentler.

"Why?"

Yoda let out a long sigh and his ears fell until the tips were almost touching the sides of his head, "Came to tell us he did that give a blood transfusion to your father you must."

The small fear that had been growing in my heart suddenly caught flame to envelop me as I realized what was happening. "Why me?" I asked, "Can't Owen do it?"

"An extremely rare blood type your father has, as do you. Only one that can reach him in time you are."

I swallowed. Oh Force, I wasn't going to have to choose between saving my father and Qui-Gon…was I? "How long does he have?"

"If blood transfusion he does not receive then die by tonight he will." Yoda paused and answered my next question before I even asked it, "intricate procedure it is, leave within the half-hour you must if save him you intend to. Qui-Gon fares no better, if help him you do not, then survive the night he won't."

"Is there enough time for me to help my Master and then go to the hospital to perform the blood transfusion for my father?" I asked, taking a deep breath to control my newly-racing heart. I already knew the answer to my question and the answer nearly terrified me.

"Regret to tell you I do, that time to help Qui-Gon there is not if choose to save your father you do. Weaker by the minute he grows."

"And they're sure that there's no one with my blood type close enough to save my father?" I asked, not caring that my voice had an almost frantic note to it.

"Checked all possible donors the hospital has, no one near enough there is."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Am I the only one that can help Qui-Gon? You're the most powerful Jedi," my voice was becoming frantic, "can't you help him find his way?"

"Bond Qui-Gon and I do not have, reach him I cannot."

"And what of his Master? Surely his Master must still have a bond with him? Is he here at the Temple?"

"Killed on a mission two years ago Master Daec-Mar was, help us he cannot."

My heart froze and my breath caught. Master Daec-Mar was Qui-Gon's Master? It couldn't be! It wasn't possible… No. No. No wonder the Council had warned me against telling Qui-Gon… Now it all made sense... I had never understood what he wanted with me before…but now it all made sense. 

"Obi-Wan?" Yoda interrupted my thoughts, obviously sensing my despair.

I shook my head and forced myself to push those thoughts away. There would be another time to think of those things. Right now there were more important things at stake. "There's nothing we can do?"

"Very sorry I am, but choose between Qui-Gon and your father you must. Help you with this decision I cannot. Search within your heart to find the answer you must. Very little time you have."

Yoda's words hit me like a ton of brinks and I suddenly felt like the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders, crushing me mercilessly. How could I be asked to make this decision? How could I be asked to save one life and sacrifice the other? How was I supposed to decide? How could I choose between my father – the man who I owed my existence to – and Qui-Gon – a man that I had grown to admire and care deeply for in such a short amount of time?

I couldn't choose between the lives of two people. I couldn't be responsible for the one that died. I wouldn't be able to live with the knowledge that one of them had died because I chose to save the other. 

Slowly, numb with shock and disbelief, I rose to my feet and went to look at Qui-Gon's now deathly pale face. He was counting on me – how could I let him down after everything I had already done to him? I told him that I would help him, how could I turn back now? How could I just let him die? 

Just an hour ago I had been thrilled that Qui-Gon could be saved. Now things were more complicated. It wasn't just him – my father was counting on me too. How could I save Qui-Gon and sentence my father to death? What of my mother and brother? They were counting on me too. They were a family – could I really destroy them?

I looked around the room to find everyone staring at me – Yoda and the six healers were all waiting for a decision. "Please," I said softly, "could you leave us alone? I need some time to think."

The six healers immediately filed out of the room, nodding their understanding and compassion. Only Yoda lingered long enough to say, "Whatever you decide, blame you we will not," before he too, left.

Once I was alone with my Master I slumped down into the chair by his bed and held my head in my hands. This wasn't fair! It wasn't supposed to happen like this! Why would the Force put me in such a situation? I was only thirteen, I wasn't supposed to have to make decisions like this!

No matter what I did, I'd be hurting someone and would always feel guilty about the life I had let slip away. If I let my father die then I'd be hurting my mother and brother, but if I let Qui-Gon die I would be hurting all of his friends. What would Tahl say? Or Yoda? Yoda was extremely fond of Qui-Gon. He said he wouldn't blame me but he could have just been trying to make me feel better.

"Oh, Master, please tell me what to do," I murmured into the stillness of the room but no one answered me. I was alone in this decision. No one could help me. This was the most difficult decision I had ever had to make – even more difficult than choosing to stay on Melida/Daan – and I was alone. There was no one here to guide me, no one to lead me towards the correct decision.

My braid fell forward from behind my ear – brushing my face and hanging close to my eyes. Annoyed, I reached out to tuck it back in place when a warm ripple of energy ran through me and once more I heard Qui-Gon's comforting words inside my head.

_We will have to endure many hardships, Obi-Wan, and sometimes I will not be with you. During those times it is important to remember that the braid represents our bond and that even if the braid is broken, or I am not at your side, I am always in your heart._

I ran the tightly woven braid through my fingers and observed how closely the three strands of hair were intertwined. When Qui-Gon had braided my hair I had felt happy, yes, but more than that I had felt loved and at home with myself and my Master. That simple act of caring – that of winding three strands of hair together – had filled me with a deep sense of contentment and I had sensed that even through his troubled thoughts, Qui-Gon had been content as well. 

I released my braid and instead took Qui-Gon's hand in my own. I had to remember what he told me. Even though he was unconscious he was still with me and I had to take comfort in that. 

What would Qui-Gon want me to do? I knew the answer to the question before I even finished asking it. He would want me to do what the Force was telling me to do. As calmly as I could I reached out to center myself on the Force and let its beauty and light wash over and through me. In its knowledge I sought the answers to my dilemma and trusted my findings. It wasn't Qui-Gon's time to die, this had been an accident. I had to save him. My heart and the Force were telling me it was so. 

I remembered how I had felt when I had found Qui-Gon on the floor, unconscious. I had been mortified, worried, scared, panicked, and so many other things. When Yoda told me that my father was dying…I had just felt surprised. 

I swallowed, startled to suddenly realize that I cared for Qui-Gon more than my father. I barely knew my father and I had been through so much with my Master in such a short amount of time. I felt guilty at this realization, but knew there was nothing I could do to change my feelings or what the Force was telling me to do. This decision would haunt me forever but I knew what I had to do.

"Master Yoda?" I said, hurriedly emerging from Qui-Gon's room, "Where is my brother?"

"In the meditation gardens your brother waits," Yoda answered gravely.

I bowed briefly, "Thank you, Master Yoda," and then charged out of the room to find Owen. It wouldn't be easy to tell him that I was choosing Qui-Gon over our father but it would be worse if I had someone else tell him instead. He deserved to hear it from me.

The meditation gardens were beautiful but I found I had little time to appreciate them for my eyes were riveted to my brother. It had been almost five years since I had seen Owen and I was surprised as to how much we looked like each other. His hair was much longer than mine but his face and eyes bore the same features mine did. He was only two years younger than me but he looked much older, almost as if he were my age.

"Owen," I greeted him softly, trying to control the speed with which my heart was beating.

"Obi-Wan," he said, a huge grin spreading out over his face, "I knew you would come. Come on, we have to leave quickly, I have a transport waiting."

I took a deep breath. I had to say this now or I would never get it out. "Owen," I started, my voice amazingly steady, "I…I'm not going with you."

The smile rapidly faded and my brother's blue-green eyes were filled with a deep confusion, but no anger – not yet. "What do you mean?"

I knew that he would not take this kindly, but I couldn't lie to him. "Qui-Gon – my Master – is sick, I…I have to stay here and save him. H-he won't survive the night if I don't help him now." Force, the words sounded hollow and meaningless even to me. 

My father was the reason I was alive and I was going to let him die to save my Master. How could Qui-Gon, a man who had rejected me and hurt me, mean more to me than my own father? Yet I knew that Qui-Gon had changed, and he could make me so happy with just a single word of praise and…and I cared for him so deeply. But my father would die because of this. I would be the reason he died. He would pass away because of the choice I was making, the choice I had already made. I would never be able to forgive myself for this. _Force_, I prayed, _please forgive me_.

"What about our father? He won't survive the night either!" Owen yelled at me. I could feel his anger hitting me in waves and I involuntarily flinched. I was hurting my brother and my mother. My father was depending on me…and I had chosen someone not even related to me instead. In truth, blood was no thicker than water. Not for me. It should have been, but it wasn't. 

"I-I know, Owen, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do this to you and our mother, b-but I have to. It's not Qui-Gon's time to die and–" and what? How could I tell him that it _was_ our father's time to die and why would he believe me? "And I have to save him," I settled on saying.

"You have to save our father!"

I shook my head sadly. If I was doing the will of the Force than why did it feel like I was a traitor? "I can't Owen, I'm sorry."

For a few minutes Owen just stared at me in complete shock and loathing but then, as if realizing I wouldn't change my mind, he finally turned to leave. "You're choosing some Jedi Master – a stranger – over our father. You're a traitor, Obi-Wan. Don't ever call on us again. We aren't your family anymore. They are." The words were practically spat in my face and true to my brother's intent they hit their mark. 

I was a traitor. What else could I be though? With either decision I was faced with I would have been a traitor to someone. By choosing Qui-Gon I was a traitor to my family and if I had chosen my father then I would have been a traitor to Qui-Gon, the Force, and myself. I sighed. Why did things have to be so complicated?

My stomach and chest felt tight and my heat was spinning slightly. Someone would die because of me today. I had killed people in battle but this…this was different. This wasn't supposed to happen. I had never been responsible for someone's life before. How was I supposed to deal with this? How as I supposed to come to terms with what I had done? I had turned my back on my family when they needed me the most…I had refused them the help they needed. Force, would they ever forgive me? Would I ever forgive myself?

I waited until after my brother had left the gardens and slowly make my way back to the Healers' Ward. I knew I had done the right thing but I still felt like I had betrayed my family. 

TBC...


	4. Darkness

Okay, I've posted this in a lot of different places and no one's ever mentioned this but I thought I'd explain just in case anyone else is wondering.  =D Katharine, I understand what you're saying but that's not actually what I'm referring to in this story, so let me explain. =) So, about the father's blood transfusion… Originally the part where Obi-Wan talks to Yoda in part three was longer and I explained why the father was dying and more about why he needs a transfusion. Then some friends of mine read the story and most of them thought the part was too long and that I included too much information that you didn't really need to know for the purposes of the story, especially since it is pretty short. So, I revised it and got rid of some stuff. The type of transfusion I was thinking of would be with Obi-Wan hooked up to his father, transferring blood to him, as an operation is being performed on his father. Now I don't know much about medicine but I'm pretty sure that this can't really be done today 'cause the donor would be losing _way_ too much blood, but I was thinking that like in that old Star Trek episode they'd give him some sort of drug that would make him pump more blood than normal. So Obi-Wan would actually have to go to the hospital and be there for a while – especially since he'd have to recover from donating the blood.  Most of this was explained in the original version, but like I said, I changed it. Sorry if anyone else was wondering about that, no one's ever mentioned anything before so I'd pretty much forgotten about it.

BTW, mush alert for the end of this part and for the next part also. =D

~ Part Four: Darkness ~

**Obi-Wan:**

When I entered the Healers' Ward, Jewel was the only one is sight. My friend was sitting in front of one of the computer consoles with her back facing me. "Jewel," I said before she even noticed me, "please get the Soul Healers and tell them I am ready to begin the…procedure."

Jewel turned around. "Obi-Wan," she said gently, "I heard about what happened to your father. Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nodded, "Yes, Jewel, please go get the Soul Healers. The more time we waste the weaker Qui-Gon gets."

Jewel slowly nodded, "Why don't you go inside and wait with Qui-Gon?"

I found Qui-Gon exactly as I had left him. The EKG monitor was still beeping constantly, as it had this morning, and again I found it filled me with the same emotions. Comfort and despair. I had to believe I could save Qui-Gon, or else I had just condemned my father to death for nothing.

The Soul Healers entered the room a few minutes later and silently sat on either side of Qui-Gon's bed. "Now Obi-Wan," the Della said, "this procedure is not very complicated but it is very dangerous. In order to show Qui-Gon how to return to his body you are going to have let yourself go deeply into your Master's mind – thus weakening the bond you have with your own body. No matter how much you want to save Qui-Gon you _cannot_ allow your connection to your body to grow too weak. Qui-Gon is lost, as we said earlier, and you are going to have to use your bond with him to show him the way back home. You will do this by finding the part of Qui-Gon that is still attached to his body and leading the rest of his spirit back to it." 

It took the healers almost ten minutes to explain everything I was and wasn't to do when trying to save Qui-Gon and by the time they let me start I was more than ready. 

Sitting comfortably on the chair by Qui-Gon's bed I took several long deep calming breaths and released all of my emotions – my nervousness, my fear, my dread that I'd lose both my Master and my father – into the Force. Then I quickly found my center and reached along my bond with Qui-Gon to touch his mind.

As before, I encountered a cold cloud around him but this time I persisted and slowly – so that I wouldn't lose myself also – started to break through it. Master, I called out to Qui-Gon, can you hear me?

I received no answer – just the same cold darkness that was preventing my Master from finding his body. Master, please, you _must_ answer me. I am here to help you but you need to show me where you are.

This time a small wave of warmth and concern reached me through our link and instead of trying to catch it and send it back to him, I centered my awareness on it and tried to get as close to Qui-Gon as I could. I'm coming, Master, please try again.

Again a small wave cascaded over me, this time stronger than the last, and I continued to draw myself to it until the cold cloud started to thin. Before proceeding further into my Master's mind and closer to his spirit I doubled checked my connection to my body to make sure I could get back. 

As I continued to hone in on my Master's presence I began to worry that I wouldn't be able to find him. This cold cloud seemed so big and my Master was lost somewhere in it. The last of the coldness disappeared and my brief moment of joy was replaced by dread for I found myself in total and complete darkness. Just how far from my body was I getting? The Force was supposed to be light, not dark. No wonder my Master was lost. If I continued too much further into this I myself would not be able to find my way back.

I reached out as far as I dared, hoping and praying to find Qui-Gon but not succeeding. His signature was just too weak and I couldn't latch on to it well enough. I looked around with the eyes of my mind but I couldn't see anything. Just like in my dream I seemed to be alone in the universe. The darkness my Master was lost in was so impenetrable that I could barely sense my way home.

Resolutely I stayed in the complete obscurity, sending a large ripple of the Force to my Master and pleading him to answer me. Master, I'm almost there, can you talk to me?

No response at all. I could feel nothing. Had I lost him? No! I was so close; I couldn't lose him now after coming this far! Fear began to grow in me until my mind was almost trembling with it. This place was so large and so dark and I couldn't find him. Master, I said, please you need to help me to find you!

No… No, this couldn't happen. I _had_ to save my Master, I _had_ to. I couldn't have just condemned my father to death for nothing… I couldn't live with losing them both. _Oh, please don't let it end like this,_ I thought out into the darkness. I couldn't feel him. I couldn't feel anything. Where was Qui-Gon? I couldn't lose him. I couldn't. He was all I had left. He was everything to me. He…he couldn't…die…like this… 

A small spec of warmth, emanating from somewhere ahead of me, touched my senses. It was my Master, slipping further and further away from me with each passing second. The point of warmth was so small that it only gave me a general direction and no real way to find him. It was like searching for a small fish in the entirety of a vast ocean. If Qui-Gon didn't reach out the rest of the way to find me, I would lose him.

Master, I pleaded in earnest now, Please don't let this happen. Come back to me, please reach out. 

Qui-Gon couldn't give up on me now. He couldn't leave me alone in the universe. I had no family left. No one to look after me anymore or care for me… He had to keep fighting! I wouldn't let him do this! If he left me now I would go with him… He couldn't just give up! I needed him…and he needed me to show him, to show him he could trust again. He couldn't die without learning to trust. He couldn't leave me like this.

Complete silence greeted me and even the warmth seemed to be moving further away from me and growing cold. Despair ticked away inside me and I felt like crying. I _would not_ lose him like this. I couldn't.

The answer came to me all at once, a sudden realization illuminating this dark night. Qui-Gon couldn't escape because of his own fears and insecurities. Whatever had caused him to lose himself in the Force was blocking his way back to me and was a greater obstacle than the darkness could ever be.

Qui-Gon, I said softly, I know it hurts and that you just want to escape from all the pain but don't let this accident rob your life away. I will help you overcome this. You have made mistakes in your life, we all do, but you can't let them block your way. Push away the pain for now and reach out to me. I won't leave you. Qui-Gon, I cried to him, please.

At first I thought it was just my imagination but I could feel the spec of warmth growing again and coming closer to me. Was I just being hopeful or was my Master overcoming this? The darkness around me seemed to become a shade lighter and less foreboding. He was fighting the pain that was keeping him trapped! 

Obi-Wan, I felt an immense wave of relief and joy flow through me when I heard Qui-Gon's voice, Obi-Wan, what are you doing? This is too dangerous, please go back. You could so easily lose yourself in this place and join the Force with me. Don't sacrifice yourself for me.

I could hear him! My mind danced with the knowledge. I had to be close now. I hadn't lost him! At Qui-Gon's words my determination swelled and I spoke without thinking, I won't leave you! It is not your time to join the Force; you must fight to come back to me. Please, center yourself on my voice and my presence in your mind and follow me back. Don't center on your fears and worries, let them go. You can do this, Master, I believe in you.

I don't deserve your loyalty, Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon said simply, surprising me deeply with his words.

Yes you do, Master, but we can argue about that later. You _must_ follow me back. Please…Master, I don't…I can't lose you now. Please come back to me.

I reached out with my mind, desperately searching to find Qui-Gon in the vastness of night that he was lost in. Finally, after what seemed an eternity I felt my Master's warmth reach out and embrace my awareness. I am here, my Padawan, came my Master's _voice_, I will not leave you, you have only to show me the way back and I will follow you.

For a moment I was too touched by Qui-Gon's obvious trust in me to reply, but then I remembered that his time was short and quickly forced myself to snap back to reality. Master, I am going to slowly withdraw into my own mind. All you have to do is follow me until you can find your body and pull yourself completely back into it. Your connection is weak, but if we hurry you can still make it.

I am ready, was his confidant reply.

Slowly I let myself float back towards my own body. Stopping every few seconds to make sure my Master's warmth was still with me, I lead him back through the cold cloud that surrounded his mind and into the light that was his body – his home. 

After an infinity of long never-ending seconds the darkness gave way to the cold cloud and I could sense the light of life on the other side. We were going to make it! It took much less time to pass through the cloud now than it had coming in and soon it began to fade and I could _see_ the light from the other side. We were almost there! Qui-Gon would live! After a few more moments we broke through the cloud completely and I found myself surrounded by a bright light so warm that it filled my mind with peace and love.

All is well, Qui-Gon said, overwhelming my mind with both his voice and his gratitude and pride in me. Thank you, Obi-Wan.

In an enormous wave of relief I flew the rest of the distance back into my own mind, confidant and secure in the knowledge that Qui-Gon would be alright.

When I opened my eyes to look upon my Master's face it was with a greater sense of calmness and serenity than I had felt since finding him unconscious this morning. I had saved him. I had brought him back. Even the knowledge that my father would die because of my decision did nothing to tamp down the joy that filled my heart and the tears that slowly brimmed over my eyes.

One of the healers – I was too happy to tell or care which one – placed a hand on my shoulder and told me that they would leave us be and go tell Master Yoda the good news. Absent mindedly I nodded my consent and the healers left the room.

Qui-Gon had yet to regain consciousness but when I tentatively reached along our bond the coldness surrounding his mind had vanished. He had found his way back! I felt happier than I could remember feeling in a long time – even happier than when he finally took me as his Padawan.

I took Qui-Gon's hand tightly in my own and with my other hand I wiped the tears off my face. Normally I would have been ashamed to cry but right now I was too happy for it to matter. 

My Master's weak hand came alive suddenly and I felt his loose fingers tighten around mine until he was squeezing my hand. "Master?" I said softly as I watched Qui-Gon's eyes flutter open and focus on me.

"Obi-Wan," his voice was weak and raspy but filled with warmth, gratitude, and comfort. "It's…okay," he reached up and brushed a tear off my face and gave me a small smile, "you saved me…Padawan, thank you."

I nodded and brought Qui-Gon's hand to rest against my chest, "I'm so glad to have you back, Master," I answered, letting my sincere relief and joy reflect across our bond.

Qui-Gon's smile increased slightly and he gently caressed my check, "I am glad to be back, my Obi-Wan."

I smiled and looked down at our intertwined hands, touched and embarrassed by his choice of words. Hearing him say, 'my Obi-Wan', filled me with such a deep sense of belonging that my tears multiplied until I could barely see. Qui-Gon cared for me, I cared for him, and I knew the rest would come later. We would okay. Everything was alright between us now.

"My Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon repeated the words, realizing my deep emotions stemmed from them, and flooded our bond with waves of joy and comfort. "Rest now, Padawan," he said, pulling me down until my head was resting on his large chest, "rest with me."

I grinned as my tears soaked his tunic. I felt his hand slowly stroke through my shortly cropped hair and under that gentle comfort I closed my eyes and let myself fall asleep.

I awoke to the same sense of peace and joy that I had fallen asleep to, and to the same sensation of Qui-Gon slowly stroking my hair. I realized that he knew that I was awake but I couldn't resist continuing to rest my head against his rising and falling chest for just a little while longer.

"Obi-Wan," my Master greeted me softly, gently tugging my braid.

I yawned and reluctantly rose from my restful position, "How are you feeling, Master?"

The corners of Qui-Gon's mouth tilted up slightly and he tenderly took my hand in his own. "I am feeling much better, Obi-Wan. I am still a little weak but the healers say that I'll be able to go back home tomorrow morning."

I sighed in relief, "Good, I'm glad."

He nodded and the smile slowly faded. "How are _you_ feeling, Padawan?"

I frowned, "I'm not the one that collapsed, I'm fine."

Qui-Gon shook his head almost imperceptibly and I knew what was coming before he spoke. "Obi-Wan," he said gently and yet firmly, "Alida told me what happened. I am very sorry that you had to make such a decision by yourself. It must have been very difficult for you."

I looked down at my hands, afraid that Qui-Gon would see the guilt inside my eyes. I didn't want him to think I regretted my choice. "I wasn't by myself," I faltered slowly; "I had your words and lessons to guide me. Even unconscious your wisdom helped me. Thank you for everything you have taught me."

"Obi-Wan, I am pleased that you think I have taught you so much but your strength and courage comes from within you, not me. I know this decision ways heavily on your shoulders but you cannot blame yourself for the choice you made. You consulted the Force, let it guide you, and did as it directed you. I am very proud of you, my Padawan."

I smiled shyly and my heart beamed at this unexpected praise from Qui-Gon, "Th-thank you, Master."

"Obi-Wan, look at me." Qui-Gon waited until my reluctant eyes met him before he continued, "I know you are feeling guilty but you are not to blame for the workings of the Force. This happened for a reason. You must believe that. When you feel ready to talk about what happened, you know that I will always listen."

"Thank you for everything, Master."

"You're very welcome."

I glanced about the room, curious to see how long I had slept. I could no longer see the sun when I looked out the window but it was still slightly light outside therefore I assumed that sunset could not be far away. 

"It's early morning," Qui-Gon informed me gently, sensing my thoughts. "You missed sunset hours ago."

I turned shocked eyes to gaze at my Master abruptly, "Morning?" I asked in a choked voice.

He nodded. 

Yoda had told me my father wouldn't survive the night…had he already passed into the Force? "My father?" I asked in a trembling voice.

I felt him squeeze my hand softly as he sent waves of comfort through our bond. "We don't know anything yet, the hospital hasn't called us."

Relief tinged with fear when I heard this. Part of me was glad that my father hadn't died yet, but part of me wished I had missed the announcement. I didn't want to hear it when it came. I already felt guilty and treacherous enough as it was. 

"Master," I said, desperately trying to change the subject, "if – if you don't mind my asking…what happened that made you collapse?" 

Even as Qui-Gon stared at me I knew his mind was elsewhere. His eyes were distant and saddened and he suddenly seemed burdened down by unpleasant memories and thoughts. Immediately I regretted asking and was about to apologize when my Master finally spoke.

"No, Obi-Wan," he said gently, "there is no need to apologize. You are my Padawan and I cannot shut you out. In all honesty I was thinking of my own failures and my stupidity." Qui-Gon held up his hand when I would have protested and I forced myself to remain silent. "Obi-Wan…I would like to think that I have gotten over what Xanatos did, but in truth I know I have not. You know it too. I am struggling with the belief that he turned because of something I did wrong, and one of my greatest fears is that it's true and that I'll do something wrong that will make you–"

"No!" I exclaimed, interrupting him, "It wasn't your fault, Master, and you won't make me turn. You are a wonderful teacher and–" 

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said sternly, "be silent, Padawan. Please let me speak. It is my greatest fear that I will lose you the same way I lost Xanatos and that it will be my fault. However, much to my surprise, that is not what I was thinking about that caused me to reach out to the Force so desperately that I lost myself in it," he paused and smiled at the evident surprise that shown on my face and trickled through our bond. 

"No, I was thinking about Xanatos and all of the clues and indications I had that he was turning that I either did not see or blinded myself to. I couldn't believe – and I still cannot – that I let myself be so stupid as to not see what Xanatos was really doing. Then, then I started thinking about you and how I let my past failures cloud my judgment. By doing that, I hurt you – for that I am terrible sorry – and _that_ is what I was thinking about when I collapsed. I kept on replaying everything in my mind that led up to Xanatos' demise and thinking about everything I have done wrong with you. I tried to meditate, to clear my head, but nothing worked and finally…I just wanted to let everything go."

"You collapsed because you were feeling guilty about what you have done in your relationship with me?" I asked quietly, not believing what I had just heard him say. The fact that he had hurt me caused him that much despair that he had almost accidentally killed himself? It was chilling.

"In part, yes. In my stubborn refusal to let you into my heart I hurt a bright young boy who only wanted my guidance and support. You gave me your love and trust and all I returned was cold acceptance of your place in my life. Instead of embracing this beautiful, wonderful gift that the Force was placing in my care, I denied you of my caring. Those thoughts overwhelmed me. I am sorry. I reached out into the Force and just let myself go. I didn't realize how dangerous my actions were until I was already lost. I am terribly sorry to have left you in such a position."

"It's alright," I said distantly, still trying to swallow what he had said. He considered me a beautiful, wonderful gift? It was too good to be true. "I…Master," I began cautiously, "we talked about this just yesterday. I do not blame you for what happened between us and I understand that Xanatos hurt you and that I need to give you time to recover from that. There is no need to berate yourself for your past actions. All we can do is move on and accept the past."

If only I could follow my own advice… Qui-Gon and I would be alright, but there was still so much weighing on my mind. I wanted to clear everything between us…but I knew now that I never could. There would always be something hidden between us, something I could never tell him. I could only hope that he never found out and that it didn't affect our relationship. I wanted so hard to move on from the past but it was just so hard…

For the longest time Qui-Gon just stared at me, his expression all but unreadable. Curious as to what he was feeling I reached out through our bond and was startled that my Master felt shocked and humbled by what I had just said. 

Half expecting a rebuke for being so straight-forward with a Master I was startled by his next words. "You have so much to teach me Obi-Wan, you will be a great Jedi Knight."

My cheeks flushed brightly with heat and I immediately looked down at my hands, embarrassed and incredibly happy. I had craved Qui-Gon's approval so badly that now that I finally had it I didn't know what to say or how to react. I was just too overwhelmed with happiness at having proved myself to the man I had grown to care about almost like a father. I opened my mouth to speak but the words refused to come. 

Forcing myself to take control of my emotions I finally managed to gasp out, "Thank you."

"No Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon spoke so very smoothly and eloquently in contrast to my stuttered words, "thank you for everything you have done to me. I don't deserve you."

To this I had no response except to open my mind completely to my Master and let him feel the whirling emotions that now filled me. Expecting Qui-Gon to enter my mind I was surprised when all he did was accept my emotions and send soothing waves of support and love back to me. It was enough though, and I was greatly humbled by the obvious affection I felt coming from him. 

"Obi-Wan," I was disappointed to hear Master Alida interrupt such a beautiful moment between Qui-Gon and me but dutifully turned around to look at her.

"Yes?" I asked, instantly noting an immense sadness on her part.

"Obi-Wan," she said again, "I am very sorry to inform you that the hospital just called…your father passed away shortly after midnight."

My world abruptly came to a crashing halt. I had just been so happy but now the guilt, sadness and anxiety all came rushing back to me. I tried to reign in my emotions – to take control and be strong – but it was a losing battle and soon I found myself in tears. It wasn't that I loved my father – for I didn't even know him – it was the knowledge that he was dead because of me. 

I expected Qui-Gon to offer words of understanding and sympathy and help me find my center so when he pulled me into his arms it was all it took to push me over the edge. I crumbled. Sobbing openly into my Master's chest I knotted my hands in his tunic and clung to him as if he were the only thing that could save me. 

"Shh," I heard him whisper gently in my ear as he rocked me back and forth and stroked my back, "just let it all go, Padawan. It's alright. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Do not fear your feelings. Do not keep them locked away inside. Just let go. I am here and I will not leave you."

For an eternity of suspended minutes Qui-Gon just held me like that, comforting me in a way I thought he never would. I needed that comfort though, I needed to be held. After everything I had been through I needed to know he was there for me. In the safety on my Master's arms I not only found that I wasn't alone, but that I was loved and cherished. 

TBC...


	5. A Symbol of Eternal Friendship

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday/vacation!!!!!!! =D Here's the last part and it's nothing but mush, for those of you who like that stuff (like me!).  _Sentimental Star_ – Thanks so much!  I'm glad you like my stuff!  As for JA15, it was nothing compared to how much I disliked JA16's ending.  She had the perfect opportunity (JW) and ruined it again 'cause of course everything just has to come back to the Tahl *sigh*.  Anyway, thanks!  There was recently an update so now JAFD has all of my stories up, except for the ones I haven't posted. 

Enjoy!

~ Part Five: A Symbol of Eternal Friendship ~

**Qui-Gon:**

            I felt him pacing nervously back and forth in front of my door long before he entered. What was troubling my Padawan so? As much as he tried to hide it, his anxiety was traveling through our bond in waves with an intensity that bordered on despair. What could he possibly have to tell me that made him this fearful? I longed to reach out to him and tell him all was well but I did not want him to think I was invading his thoughts.

            Finally, Obi-Wan knocked on my door.

            Trying to sound as if I hadn't been waiting for him for the last five minutes I calmly set aside my data pad – which I had long since stopped reading – and said, "Come in, Padawan."

            The door slid open and a very shy Padawan stepped through. He was obviously trying to hide his distress from me and put up a brave front but the expression on his face was nearly comical. It was a mixture of trepidation, anxiety, timidness, and hope, all mixed into one. 

            Now that he had finally worked up the courage to enter my room it looked as if he was ready to bolt. He was standing in my doorway, obviously not sure whether he was going or staying, shuffling from side to side with his hands clasped behind his back.

            "What is it Obi-Wan?" I asked gently, unable to resist the temptation to send waves of comfort to him through our bond.

            "I…I have a confession to make, Master," he said softly, still not moving from his place in my doorway.

            Confused but interested in what was troubling him so deeply I gestured for him to come sit with me. As much as I longed to ease his distress I had to admit that it was highly amusing to watch Obi-Wan walk up to my chair and kneel without unclasping his hands. He was quite obviously hiding something behind his back.

            "What is it, Obi-Wan? There is no need to be afraid."

            Obi-Wan nodded but my words did nothing but increase his level of anxiety. "I...I stole something from your room, Master," he confessed softly as he studied the floor.

            This I was not expecting. Obi-Wan was not a thief. What did he take that I hadn't noticed? "What did you take?" I asked half gently, half sternly.

            "It was when I was waiting for you to come back from your meeting with the Council. I don't usually do this but…I felt compelled to look through some of your things and I found this." My Padawan shakily brought forth one of his hands. In it he held a piece of paper which I immediately recognized as my birth certificate.

            I took the paper from him and did nothing to hide the surprised amusement from my voice, "You _stole_ my birth certificate?" I asked, incredulous. 

            "Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said, practically hanging his head.

            Force, was he so insecure as to fear that I would punish him so terribly for such a small thing? "Obi-Wan," I said, reaching down with a finger to tilt his head up to look at me, "if you wanted my birth certificate you didn't have to take it, I would have gladly given it to you."

            "You would have?" He asked, clearly startled.

            I smiled at him reassuringly, "Yes, Padawan, I would have." I sighed then. I wasn't angry with Obi-Wan, or even disappointed, but he _had_ stolen something from me and I could not let this behavior pass unnoticed unless he had a _extremely_ good reason. "Why did you take it, Obi-Wan?"

            "I don't know, Master. I don't even know why I was looking through your things. I know it's wrong, but something told me I had to. It thought it was the only way I'd ever find out your birthday and…I know I shouldn't have taken it. I'm sorry, Master."

            I smiled again, "I can tell that you're sorry, Obi-Wan. I still do not understand why you took it. It was wrong to look through my things without permission but forgetting that for the moment, once you found my birth certificate why did you take it? You could have just looked at the date."

            "I don't know, Master," he admitted truthfully. "The strange thing is that I didn't feel guilty for it at the time. I…I know it sounds ridiculous, and I am not just saying this to excuse myself, but I think the Force meant for me to find it. I'm sorry. I know that I could have put it back in your dresser without your ever knowing but I felt guilty not telling you. Please do not be disappointed in me, Master. I will do better in the future."

            I held up my hand, "Obi-Wan, I am not disappointed. I am just surprised, that's all."

            "I will accept any punishment you give me, Master, but first…I have something for you."

            Suddenly it all made sense to me. Obi-Wan was telling me this now because he knew it was my birthday and he wanted to give me something. Knowing that I would ask him how he knew it was my birthday he had given way to his conscious and come to make his confession. 

            "Obi-Wan," I said softly, "you didn't have to get me anything."

            He smiled shakily, "I know, Master, but I wanted to." 

            Obi-Wan brought a small box out from behind his back and gave it to me. I frowned, curious. The box was no bigger than an inch tall and two inches wide. What did he get me? Schooling my childlike anticipation, I lifted the lid of the box and found a pendant lying on top of a velvet cushion. 

            I took the pendant out and set it on my palm. It was made of gold and engraved on the front were the letters O and Q surrounded by a flower – the symbol for eternal friendship. I could only imagine how much it had cost Obi-Wan to have this made for me and was overwhelmed by the love he had imbued it with. My Padawan had used the Force to implant his love and devotion to me on the pendant so that whenever I held it I would know how much he cared for me.

            I swallowed hard, not even trying to control the emotions such a gesture invoked in me. How could I possibly have thought Obi-Wan was tainted with darkness when he was so pure and good? He humbled me. I had so much to learn from him about love and trust. 

            I stilled my trembling hands and tried to think of something to say, someway I could express my gratitude to him. Yes, I thought distantly, this most certainly did excuse such a minor transgression on his part. No one had ever given me such a gift. Not even Tahl, who I considered my best friend.

            Did the boy know how much this meant to me? How much I would always cherish it? He couldn't possibly realize that this pendant was more than just a piece of gold but a piece of his heart that he was giving to me. 

            "Master?" Obi-Wan's trembling and hopeful voice filled my ears and pushed aside my thoughts. "Do you like it?"

            Instantly I regretted and cursed my loss of words. Obi-Wan was so insecure about his place with me and he had obviously put his whole heart and soul into this gift. He was misinterpreting my silence as disappointment. 

            Wanting to reassure him I tried to say something but the words fled my grasp. There was nothing I _could_ say that would express everything I was feeling right now. So instead I slipped the pendant inside the front pocket of my tunic, where I vowed I would always keep it, and reached down to pull Obi-Wan into my lap.

            The boy was surprised but he came up more than willingly and when I enfolded him in a tight embrace he brought his arms around to hug me back. Gently, I stroked the boy's hair as tears filled my eyes. "Oh, Padawan," I finally managed in a choked voice, "thank you so much. I will wear it always." I wanted to say so much more but my tenuous voice completely failed me as soon as the words were spoken.

            I lifted my mental shields and sent my emotions to Obi-Wan in a rush, wanting him to know how much I truly did love his heartfelt gesture. 

            Laughing exuberantly when Obi-Wan caught my emotions and returned his own I tightened my hold on him and slowly began to rock us back and forth in the chair. I could feel my Padawan's joy and relief that I had liked the present along with his love and devotion to me reflected in our bond _and_ in the pendant. It was enough to destroy what remained of my control and soon tears were flooding my eyes and falling to soak the boy's hair.

            I'm so glad, he whispered into my mind softly, his thick voice conveying so much more, and then added, Happy birthday, Qui-Gon.

The End          


End file.
